An extract from Benedictus, by John O'Donohue

Callings

"It is devastating to feel trapped in a form of life where you feel utterly misplaced and all your effort is laboured; everything you do is done against the grain.You take no joy or pleasure in what you do and your heart is haunted by alternative lives you will never have. When you feel like this, it can make for a bitter and resentful life - a life where you are neither seen nor understood for much of the time - and your gifts remain locked away, never to emerge.

It is clearly time to change what you are doing; perhaps sacrifice the familiar in order to find your true calling. Such change can utterly transform your life. It is such a relief and joy to find the calling that expresses and incarnates your spirit. When you find that you are doing what you love, what you were brought here to do, it makes for a rich and contented life. You have come into rhythm with your longing. Your work and action emerge naturally; you don't have to force yourself. Your energy is immmediate. Your passion is clear and creative. A new calling can open the door into the house of vision and belonging. You feel at home in your life, heart and hearth at one."

Shamash is smiling

In the Epic of Gilgamesh, which goes back to ancient times where legend and history cannot usefully be separated, there an evocative moment where the hero, Gilgamesh, rails in frustration before his god Shamash about his unfulfilled need to conquer the land of Humbaba. Here's what he says:

"If this enterprise is not to be accomplished, why did you move me, Shamash, with the restless desire to perform it?"

How perfectly put, for anyone who believes in a supreme being who takes an interest in individual lives. Of course, Shamash relents, takes pity on Gilgamesh's tears and lets him get on with his campaign. But it's a perfect question for anyone who believes in God, but finds their ambitions stunted, or their dreams constantly overlooked. Why indeed would a God who took a personal interest in your life gift you with a restless desire if he/she didn't want you to do something about it?

In my experience this is one area in which atheists, or others who don't feel bound by the notion of an external authority (other than the social ones we all submit to), have a massive advantage. They weigh up evidence, impulse, sense of purpose, moral and ethical aspects, practical abilities and interests and just get on with pursuing their life projects, delightfully free of the hand-wringing that characterises the thinking of so many religious people. 

So is there a God whose permission we require before we make any life decision?  In practice, I think we might be better off behaving as though there wasn't. Or, another way of looking at it is that our god is like Shamash, takes pity on our tears, and tells us to get on with it. Taking responsibility for our own decisions, after due reflection, is just part of growing up. Some we'll get right, some not. How terrible to get to old age with a great portfolio of All The Things I Was Too Scared To Do.

Note to self:  Please re-read, several times.