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Little Funerals

Little Funerals is a dedicated spiritual counselling, healing and recovery practice for anyone who is suffering from regret over a pregnancy termination; women, men, grandparents or other family members. You are welcome, whether you carried or fathered the lost child, or you have a current partner who lost a child in this way from a previous relationship, or you would have been a sibling or a grandparent, and whether this happened recently or many years ago.

Perhaps the saddest part is not being able to grieve at some special place, since normally no leave-taking is possible. For men, you might not even have known anything of it until afterwards. And this becomes our starting point: deep, respectful listening. This may be most of what we do initially. Subsequently, and only when you are ready, we will begin to work together to create a leave-taking ceremony, a little funeral, that gathers in and expresses all your deepest feelings of loss in a way that is wholly authentic for you. The web of life has been torn, the family tree has been damaged, and is best encouraged to mend when the life that didn't come to pass is acknowledged and grieved in meaningful ways, and released back to wherever it is that we all come from. We will rely on your inspiration and imagination and beliefs to guide this part of the process. You are undoubtedly more creative than you know, and this is deep work that your soul will recognise.

This process may be a beginning for you, or it may be an ending. Or a waystation on your bigger journey towards healing and recovery. I will guide you and help you work through any obstacles that arise (they probably will). I will encourage you to find an expression that brings into compassionate awareness all of your story, including your background in a faith or wisdom tradition, whether you remain within it or not.  The whole person needs the healing.

If you have a partner who went through this experience in a previous relationship, this may well have a hidden impact on your current relationship. This is a very difficult circumstance for both of you in ways that you might sense but not fully comprehend. And even when people are unaware at the conscious level that a child has been lost in this way, there can be deep effects in partners, siblings and even grandparents.

All of this is done in the very strictest of confidence and without judgment of any kind: no-one apart fom yourself need ever know, unless you choose to tell them. But of course, if you have a supportive partner or family, this can help. This choice is entirely yours.

We can work face-to-face or over the phone or skype, depending on your circumstances. There is a charge for my counselling time but no-one if turned away on grounds of cost. I'm currently based in Surrey,UK, but will shortly be moving to the south coast of England, near Portsmouth.

If you are a faith group leader or community leader or are involved in the healing professions and would be interested in a workshop approach for a small group, do please get in touch.

Let the healing story begin.


Below is my poem, Little Funeral, from my collection, My Mother is an Old Elephant.

Little Funeral

This is a fine hole, small and neat. 
I took my time, no hurry now. 
Perhaps a bit more square 
than might have suited you 
whom I never knew 
for whom there was no chance to care.

The earth gave way with grace 
seeing the shadows lengthen on my face 
because I had no scrap of you to place.

So I adopt you as my own 
lend you my clothes of flesh and bone, 
turning once your unturned stone, 
and now declare that you 
came to pass 
were seen 
were blessed
were named 
took part, 
that your third father, unashamed, 
found space within his heart 
to dig for you this little grave, 
to put you back with smiles 
beneath this breathing emerald grass.